Regret

"I loved her so. And she knew what I did. She knew all the fucking stupid things I'd done. But the love... was stronger than anything you can think of. The goddamn regret. The goddamn regret! Oh, and I'll die. Now I'll die, and I'll tell you what... the biggest regret of my life... I let my love go. What did I do? I'm sixty-five years old. And I'm ashamed. A million years ago... the fucking regret and guilt, these things, don't ever let anyone ever say to you you shouldn't regret anything. Don't do that. Don't! You regret what you fucking want! Use that. Use that. Use that regret for anything, any way you want. You can use it, OK? Oh, God. This is a long way to go with no punch. A little moral story, I say... Love. Love. Love. This fucking life... oh, it's so fucking hard. So long. Life ain't short, it's long. It's long, goddamn it. Goddamn. What did I do? What did I do? What did I do? What did I do? Phil. Phil, help me. What did I do?"

-Magnolia

No, this is not a movie review, but an introspective piece into my psyche. The above quote is a tad over dramatic, but it sets the tone rather well.

So over the past several days, weeks, and months....the topic of regret has been brought up quite a bit with regards to many of the choices I've made throughout my life. I'll be frank....I do have regrets and I do believe it to be healthy to have them (show me one person without a regret and I will show you a liar). Honestly, I believe it to be our regrets that truly make us human. I mean this not only in the sense of species classification, but also in our ability to express things like emotions (something I still need to work on) or empathy.

Like everyone else I regret not telling that one person I love them (still haunts me), not trying hard on that (fill in with random assignment or class), or not letting my mind go wild with the possibilities with a different future. These are all rather common, so let us not get into them (not tossing them aside as unimportant, but as they are not a part of the crux of this post, we can save them for latter).

There is one thing I will not regret and that is sticking by what I believe to be right. Even if I lack the support by all those around me...I feel as though it would betray my essence to shamelessly give up on what I believe. If I were to do this (which I have)....the simple act of looking at myself would be unbearable. I cannot do this again, even though the current cost is very dear to me. This is not a battle between good and evil or love and hate, but a battle of futility. No matter the outcome of this conflict, everyone loses and there is very little chance that a recovery can occur.

So this is the path I choose, one of pain and strife. It will end badly, but hell....so do many things in life. I now enter the abyss with little to guide me, but let's hope that at the end of the day (and for the remainder of my days), I can still cal myself Damien. With that said, let us part on a fitting end:

"No. Not even in the face of Armageddon. Never compromise."

-Watchmen

29. The Machinist

Trevor Reznik: Right now I wanna sleep. I just want to sleep.

When asked to describe the Machinist, I often hesitate with my response. To be rather honest, the film seems to drift between genres with little to know regard to how it effect the audience...which makes it rather difficult to categorize. Also, I feel it would be a disservice to the complex and moving story found in this film....to simply give it a several line summary. I guess one could say that this is a film that demands one's attention from the opening shot to the final line.

Of course, what can be said is the obvious, which is the massive amount of weight loss that Christian Bale went through in order to make this film. Although difficult to watch (especially the opening shots), the weight loss put on by Bale is only their to accentuate the brilliant performance given by Bale as an insomniac that is plagued by what appears to be living dreams. One final note on the on the acting, is that the performance offered up by Aitana Sánchez Gijón, as the single mother, Maria, is heartbreaking.

The cinematography of the film is perfect for the subject matter, as it lulls its audience into a false sense of security, with its dream like pans and dark contrasts. To be rather honest, dream is the wrong term to use, as the film appears to be more of a nightmare, suffered by a deeply disturbed man.

Overall this film is a perfect example of how a modern horror/mystery/drama should be done: with respect to the intelligence of the viewing audience and one that continues to haunt you long after the credits have finished.

30. Blazing Saddles

Mongo: "Mongo only pawn... in game of life."

How does one begin to dissect and discuss a film that is of the comedic level of Blazing Saddles? To be quite honest, there is no real prescribed method to perform this task (made all the more difficult by films in this genre in particular), I will simply describe what makes this film so perfect: its complete and total lack of care towards film conventions (this will be a common theme on this list).

Of course, this is nothing new for Mel Brooks and his plethora of comic masterpieces (Young Frankenstein, The Producers, The History of World Part I, etc...); however, it is this film where his brand of irreverent and playful humor is perfected. Brooks's utter disregard towards film dogma (such as racism, sex, and violence) and signature wit make this film rather endearing....even in an age where comedies are plentiful (many of which never matching the sheer genius of this film).

Also, to only lay accolade on Brooks would be a grave error, as much acclaim should be poured onto the entire cast of the film. From the always brilliant Gene Wilder, as the washed up Waco Kid (or Jim as he is called), to Cleavon Little, as Sheriff Bart, the ensemble connects in such a way that make the humor displayed on screen all the better. This can be seen in everything from Mongo's face upon receiving his telegram to Lili Von Shtupp's somewhat glazed over and exhausted appearance in her song 'I'm so Tired."

Lastly, how could anyone fault a film with an ending that is so ridiculous that it actually outmatches the insanity found throughout the film?

Note: Blogger is not cooperating with me currently, so the article must be italicized. Damn you Blogger.

The Top Thirty Films of All Time

According to the Other Karamazov

30. Blazing Saddles (1974)
29. The Machinist (2004)
28. Chungking Express (1994)
27. Citizen Kane (1941)
26. High Fidelity (2000)
25. Children of Men (2006)
24. The Night of the Hunter (1955)
23. Network (1976)
22. Brazil (1985)
21. The Third Man (1949)
20. There Will Be Blood (2007)
19. Night of the Living Dead (1968)
18. Dancer in the Dark (2000)
17. 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)
16. Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)
15. Memento (2000)
14. Chinatown (1974)
13. The Graduate (1967)
12. Grave of the Fireflies (1988)
11. The Seventh Continent (1989)
10. Magnolia (1999)
9. Blade Runner (1982)
8. The Thin Red Line (1998)
7. 8 1/2 (1963)
6. 12 Angry Men (1957)
5. Toy Story (1995)
4. In the Mood for Love (2001)/ 2046* (2005)
3. City of God (2002)
2. Mulholland Dr. (2001)
1. Dr. Strangelove Or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)

*I feel that 2046 is more of a continuation than its own entity. I did enjoy 2046 more though, but will discuss both as a whole.

Alright let the games begin.

I am terrible

Alright...this is a quick one to explain what I have planned for this blog.

First...I proclaim myself the worst blogger on Earth; however, I hope to redeem myself by making a list blog of sorts. The plan goes as follows:

1. Mark down my top thirty film list
2. Go through each film and explain why it makes the list
3. Ummm...that's actually it.

Alright on to the big show!

Note: This will take several days. Most likely I'll do one film a day, but may do two if time permits.